Other Funny Stoner Stuff

you might be a pot head if
1 you wear sun glasses at night so you can see better
2 you have acctually put out a fire with bong water
3 the term "hydro" does not mean water
4 you have an usual parking space outside your local head shop
5 you have a name for your 3 bongs 2 pipes one of which was made by you
6 you know your measurements from grams to ounces by heart
7 your best friends are your dealer and your roller
8 you sell your car for gas money
9 after reading this list you have done most if not all
10 if you respect 4:20 to a religious value
11 if you sue your employer for not getting holiday pay on april 20th
12 if glass blowing was your minor and herbology was your major.....please e-mail me we need to chat


Stoner Prayer

Now I pass out into sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
Grant no other stoner take
My weed and bong before I wake
Keep me safely in thy sight
And grant no crackhead’s thrill tonight
And in the morning let me awake
Breathing scents of wake ’n bake
God protect me in my dreams
and make this better than it seems
Grant the time may siwftly fly
When myself shall be so high
In a green grass weed bed
Where I long to rest my head
Far away from all these scenes
And the smell of bammer smoked by beans
Take me back into the land
Where the cops never take you out
Where the weed won’t burn my throat like sand;
Where the scent of chronis blows
Where the good Mary Jane grows;
Take me back and I’ll promise then
Never to leave BC again

Stoners live and stoners die,
But in the end we all get high,
So, if at first you don't suceed,
Fuck this world and smoke some weed.

I woz here, but now I'm not,
I'm round da corner smokin' pot!
I've wrote this message 2 prove a point,
Life is shit without a joint!

Confucious Quotes
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who have women on ground have piece on earth.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Take many nails to make a crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who go to bed with itchy ass wake up with sticky fingers.

This is a story to tell someone when they're high.
Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. Thursday, which is Good friday, we're having a Father's Day party for mother's only. Admission is free, pay at the door, pull out a chair and sit on the floor.


TEN REASONS WHY "SCOOBY DOO" WAS A DRUG-INFLUENCED CARTOON:
Scooby and Shaggy were always being freaked out by ghosts and ghouls, but no one else saw them before Scoob and Shaggy.
Scooby and Shaggy always had the munchies.
Shaggy always thought Scooby was talking and was the only one who could hear him and understand him.
Scooby and Shaggy always fell into the trap that was intended for the monster because they were tripping over themselves and couldn't see where they were going.
They were always deluded and warped by thinking they were dressed up in some costumes and entertained the monster.
Shaggy always said "like" to the extreme, i.e. "like ZOIKS, Scoob, let's get outta here!!" What's a ZOIK?
Scooby and Shaggy were always the ones in the back of the van (doing who knows what).
They drove around in the MYSTERY MACHINE, which had that weird trippy design on it's side.
Shaggy and Scooby were always giddy and laughing.
Look at Shaggy; the way he dressed, his goatee, etc., 'nuff said.

u know ure a stoner
when u hold funerals for ure ded plants
u laff every time you heer "bowl"
u hang piktures of bud not playboy
u cry wen ure out of bud
u celebrate when u fidn roaches on the floor
u refuse too walk more then 1 feet for ne thing non bud related
u watch half baked dude wheres my car adn harold and kumar go to white castle at least 5 times a day
u count better in gram then dollars
the saddest time in ure life when u lost your papers


You know your stoned when,

1)you light a cigarette and forget to smoke it.
2)you become enraged every time you see the word D.A.R.E.
3)if you lock your keys in your car and it only took an hour to get out of it.
4)After eating 2 bags of potato chips, 4pop tarts, 3 slices of pizza and several slim jims; you sit around wondering when the munchies are going to kick in.



A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don’t sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he’ll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the owner says, "I told you I don’t sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
The owner says, "I’m not going to tell you again, I don’t sell to potheads!!!"
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I’m a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that’s a microwave."

You know your a stoner....

You think the song "Truckin’" by the Grateful Dead should replace the national anthem.

Your music collection is worth more than your vehicle.

Your bong is taller than your dog.

It takes you more than 30 minutes to roll a joint.

You set your wedding date for 4/20.

You take off April 20th every year and treat it as a holiday.

You spent your last bit of money to score some herbs and don’t have enough gas money to get home but you don’t care.

You start every sentence with - uhhh!.

You intentionally roll seeds in your joints on independence day so you can hear the popping because you don’t have money to buy fireworks.

You eat at Taco Bell more than 8 times a week.

You wear sunglasses at night, and see better.

You go to the corner store and the clerk automatically tosses a pack of rolling papers on the counter.

Your pot tray is fuller than your refrigerator.

Your bong gets washed more than your dishes.

You sell your car for gas money


You are the only tobacco smoker in the room and you look at the cigarette in the ashtray and ask, "Is that my cigarette?"
You’re eating something on your way home thinking about what you’re gonna eat when you get home!

Every cylinderical object you see, turns into plans on a new smoking device....

Just to be religous, you observe 4:20 in every time zone.

Someone has ever come up to you on the street and said "Hi" and you said "Yep."

You thought the ebola virus was a type of weed.

You think being stoned to death would be a damn good way to go out.

You have ever smoked pot before 8 o’clock in the morning.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other pothead friends.

theym jokes i day read em all but the ones i did were jokee

i like th stoner prayer